


An Array of Emotions

by suspensegirl



Category: Gossip Girl
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, Drama, F/M, Romance, early season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-09-06
Updated: 2008-09-06
Packaged: 2019-04-05 06:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14038395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suspensegirl/pseuds/suspensegirl
Summary: Post 2x01 - Canon Divergent - The painful back-and-forth action of Chuck & Blair's repulsion and yet need for each other. Blair comes to Chuck after everything has gone terribly wrong. Again.





	An Array of Emotions

**Author's Note:**

> This one is yet again very OTT and cringeworthy, possibly even OOC. I'm not sure when exactly it was supposed to take place, only that I wrote & posted it after 2x01 aired and before 2x02 did. Looking at my original author's note, it does look like spoilers for the SB tension must've leaked, as did a number of other things, but the exact details of those situations weren't known, so they shouldn't necessarily be assumed in this fic. I believe Serena being Queen Bee should be assumed, but other than that...it's up in the air. Obviously I wrote this a long time ago, so I'm not exactly sure where my head was at when I wrote it. But here it is! Enjoy it if you can. lol.
> 
> ...
> 
> Inspired by this quote:
> 
> "We have a lot of conflict, believe me. And their conflict is very interesting b/c it's very internal. There's no real outward obstacles. It's a lot of their own minds colliding with each other. Her not wanting to give in. Him being a playboy and not being able to fall for her completely. And then when he does, he doesn't show it and when she does, he shuns it, and all these things. So it's very real life..."
> 
> -Leighton Meester (on the CB situation, season 2)

"Why do you think I wanted you to say it?"

He froze.

"Why?!" She stepped forward and smacked him across the face.

He lifted a hand to smooth where the slap still sung. She grabbed his hand quickly and held onto his fingers until  he was forced to pull away.

"Because I love you, you Basstard!" she whispered his name.

He looked at her sincerely, still not knowing what to do. "No matter what I say or do, I keep coming back to you. And believe me, it's not just for the sex."

He looked as though he took offense to her words, but he pushed it aside and straightened his shirt.

She stepped forward and took his hands in her own. He recoiled a little bit, but then gently squeezed when he saw the tears streaming down her face.

"Chuck, I want you!" she said.

He attempted to smile before recalling the same declaration she made to Marcus. He fiercely let go of her hands and stomped across the room, only turning around when he got to the wall, not even stopping to notice her heartbroken face. "Well, maybe I don't want to be with you," he said, staring resolutely in the opposite direction.

Blair sniffled and walked towards him in a heart beating rush. "You don't mean that!"

He shook his head, trying to push her away, but she clung to his arms and grasped his broad shoulders in a desperate motion. "Don't leave me again, Chuck. Oh God, please don't."

He threw her off him until she came smashing onto the floor, physically unharmed, emotionally scarred.

"You were always there for me when I needed you and even when you completely desert me, I keep crawling back, because only you and I work!"

He wouldn't acknowledge her. "I don't do relationships, Blair. I'm a playboy. I'm...," he paused, "Chuck Bass," he added with sarcasm.

She gasped, hardly being able to take in his words. "So, you lied to me all year? And all this time when it appeared you were fighting for me?" She stood up.

His mouth opened, but only a sigh came out. "I lie to every girl I sleep with. What makes you think you're any different?"

She was taken aback and her eyes narrowed, avoiding the downfall of tears. She walked forward and smacked the smug look right off his face, then huffed a little. He stayed looking at the ground in the direction the smack had taken him. "Because, Chuck Bass," she spat, "was ALWAYS satisfied by one night stands, until I came along."

He wouldn't look at her.

"And I highly doubt you were lying to Nate when, by way of apology, you told him you were in love with me."

Now it was his turn to look shocked. He directed his gaze to her. "Blair, I..."

"Save it," she snapped. "I gave you your heart & I can take it away. I'm already half way there."

He was frozen again, as she grabbed her purse and headed for the door. Her tears had dried by now, so when he locked the door, nothing but pure evil rested in her eyes. "Let me out," she demanded.

"I won't let you go," he said softly. But by now she wouldn't even consider the declaration she had craved before.

"I’m sick of trying to make it work, Chuck. You have proved me the biggest moron in the world for falling for a sick-minded, self-absorbed pervert like you."

He gulped. "I was just hurt."

Up until this point she had been staring at the door, still trying to get out. But now she turned to look at him. "How can I trust anything you say anymore? You just declared any ounce of love you might've felt was a complete lie!" A tear renewed itself on her damp cheeks, and all malice was gone from her wounded soul.

He laid his hands gently on her shoulders and the floated them down her sides. He intertwined them. She wanted to stop the motion but could not. He kissed her forehead and she began to cry in confusion.

"God, Chuck..." she tensed.

He breathed in and out slowly for a while, but then it thickened, and he lowered his lips upon her own. She let him at first before clenching her hands and pulling away, facing towards the door again. "I can't do this anymore, Chuck!" She pounded her hand into the wooden frame and he watched as it fall to her side. Neither of them could move for what seemed like forever. So much anger and hurt etched across their faces.

"Blair..." he moved forward again. He pulled her to him, her face still directed towards the door. He tenderly wrapped his arms around her waist. They began to sway, and she let her head fall back onto his neck. He breathed in her sweet scent and began to hum.

"If you asked me to sleep with you right now, I would do it," she said. He stopped humming and turned her around. His fingers grazed her hips. "I am so broken, Chuck." She looked at him, and he to her and he brought his fingers to lie in her hands instead. "I would sleep with you, just to be near you. I have...nothing...left."

He let go of her hands and stepped back several feet in disbelief. What had he done to her? It had all just been payback. But why hadn't Serena been there to get her back on her feet? Why hadn't somebody? He looked back at Blair, standing there only as a skeleton of what once existed in that beautiful soul he loved. He was in disbelief, shock and complete shame. He walked up to her and held her head in his hands. "What have I done to you?"

A tear slid down her face. "Nothing, I deserved it."

"Where is that bold, beautiful woman I fell in love with?"

She looked up at him. "What?" she asked. A ray of hope shone through her blackened eyes. It was shot away in an instant.

"You are nothing to me now," he said.

"What?" she blinked, the fear returning.

"You're desperate and crawling to me for sex? That is anything but attractive, and I don't sleep with unattractive women."

Her eyes widened. Her eyes could not produce any more tears. She could say nothing. It was just like that night at the Palace Bar, except nobody was there to save her. Even Serena was against her now. She had never been so hurt, so alone, felt so dejected, in her entire life.

Chuck just stood there. A million thoughts racing through his head. How could both of their attitudes, desires, gestures have changed so much in such a small amount of time? It just didn't make sense. He looked to Blair, who had fallen helplessly to the floor. Her eyes almost appeared to be glazed over. He sighed and restrained himself from crying. He didn't mean anything he just said. It was an act of pride, of power, of something... but he didn't want it anymore. After several long moments, he walked over, bent down and picked her up. She appeared lifeless as he cradled her in his arms.  
He took her into his bedroom down the hall and laid her softly beneath the covers of his bed. He slipped her shoes off and laid them next to his in the corner of the room. He kissed her forehead and her eyes fluttered shut, though she appeared to be shaking from his touch. Guilt took over him, followed by a determined conviction that he would never cause her this much hurt again. He had finally fallen for her, and it was about time he started to show it. He lay in the bed next to her and, after some time, he could feel her relaxing as she brought her head to rest of his chest. She sighed with relief. He sighed too.

"I'm sorry, Blair," he whispered. "You didn't deserve any of this." She yawned quietly, and he smiled. "Just when I was getting sentimental."

She nestled herself deep in his arms, and for the first time in months did not feel threatened. "I love you, Chuck," she whispered as she drifted off.

"I love you, too," he spoke into the darkness, but she was already asleep.  



End file.
